Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep
by Bobbie23
Summary: "I swear on my life I will get you out of this. You will walk away and never ever…" She made him a promise, will she be able to keep it? Set after AOU.
1. The Road To Hell

**Disclaimer – I don't own, just borrowing.**

Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep

Chapter One - The Road To Hell…

"Remember the Legionnaire Romanoff," Steve says as he comes to stand beside her.

"Stark's retired," she snorts glaring at their host safely surrounded by the other guests imagining a small target on his forehead. Of all the sneaky, snide things the son of a bitch had said and done he topped them all tonight. "He's fair game."

"He's trying to help."

"He can help by staying out of it," Natasha tells him pointed glare. Steve stares back and she tries a different tack. "He never knows when to back off."

"You're surprised by that? This _is_ Stark we're talking about," he jokes back at her with a commiserating look.

Natasha rolls her eyes more surprised that Steve is poking fun at her rather than defending Tony. She quirks an eyebrow and allows a small growl to underline her usual playfulness, "Is this payback for all the times I tried to get you laid?"

"I'm just trying to return the favour," he quips trying to cover the blush by holding his hands up in surrender and a forced grin.

Shocked by his smooth reply she chuckles lightly, it's rare for him to play with her and if it were different circumstances it might stand a chance to drag her out of her foul mood. To his benefit, he doesn't ask her to explain like he had so many things after Fury assigned her to him. Her chuckle relaxes into twisted smirk and she eyes her friend who is trying to make the best of an awkward situation. It's certainly a new experience for her, that's for sure. Probably for him too. She doesn't want to be up here crying on his shoulder. He never attempted this after Sokovia, she doubted she would have allowed him to if he tried. She only talked to Fury about it when he approached her to offer his own brand of consolation which left her feeling more empty than before. It's a little late but Steve has a knack for making people confident when they normally aren't and she could use one of his pep talks because she has no idea what she's doing or what she wants to do. She only has a few options at party full of strangers and she won't give Stark the satisfaction of walking out after he embarrassed her. In order to giver herself a small measure of privacy Natasha turns her back to lean against the railing of the elevated balcony overlooking the grand living area of the Tower. At least she trusts Steve to have her back, he's not the smoothest when it comes to being covert and she'll have to come up with a quick cover story because she knows it won't be long before someone interrupts or at least starts to speculate on Captain America and the Black Widow in what appears to be an intimate conversation on a balcony. Only a few of them would know he's trying to console her over another man. That's a whole other complication she doesn't need, least of all if it's Bruce who stumbles across them.

Steve's her friend and Bruce knows that but he would also think Steve was the kind of guy Natasha should want. Yes, she kissed him as a diversion. Yes, she flirts with him. She flirts with everyone especially her friends. People expect her to flirt. She plays into it but it doesn't go any further. Steve's just so decent and he flusters so easily that she enjoys taking him out of his comfort zone. He's loyal, a great leader and she admires his abilities in the field, he's proven himself to be a good friend but he's nothing more than that.

She had been reluctant to fall back on flirting to foster a friendship with Bruce, not just because he would naturally assume she was trying to manipulate him, he was just as paranoid as her when they first met and rightly so, but because it felt different with him. Reticent, even. After witnessing his transformation and the quiet apology as well as her heartfelt acceptance Natasha wanted Bruce to feel at ease around her, it was paramount in the situations they were likely to face. Though it was difficult for her, honesty was key to establishing a friendship with him and she didn't want anything to mar that or to be questioned. Their flirting came later, once they were friends, after they started developing the lullaby. At first he would fluster or pretend to be oblivious but there were times when flirted back and for months she refused to identify the tiny flutter in her chest.

She exhales abruptly, blinking rapidly as she breaks out of her daydream. She lifts her head to look at Steve to find him watching her with concern.

"I know you mean well but I don't need you or Stark to wade in and try and fix this. Forcing us into a situation is only going to make it worse." Steve doesn't look satisfied by her answer and she can't blame him because it sounds like she's given up without even trying. "Look, Bruce left and he came back. I haven't had a chance to talk to him alone and I don't know if I should." Natasha leaves out the part where he never let her know he was safe, let alone tell her he was back.

"You weren't exactly agreeable to the idea when he tried to talk to you," Steve points out.

Her jaw tightens as she thinks about the incident he's referring to which happened less than twenty minutes ago. She had been fixing herself a drink at the bar with the intention of getting a buzz going if she was going to have to deal with the masses when Bruce approached her much like he had after finding Loki's sceptre, there was no flirting, no veiled admissions. He uttered a tentative yet heart-felt apology only to be met with an angry accusation of being Stark's accomplice. She'd left him and her unfinished drink there and stormed off to the quietest part of the room which is where Steve found her minutes later. She needs to get a grip, she never used to be like this. It never mattered before this team integrated themselves into her life with so much as asking. She rues the day Coulson dragged her into this team.

"I doubt Bruce had much say in any of this." Silence meets his reply which she knows is a fair assumption. "You were always different with him," he chides gently and she feels like he's chastising rather than encouraging.

"We flirted," she dismisses offhandedly, she looks over her shoulder to check on the sea of party goers, to find one notably absent. He probably retreated to one of the labs, safer for him there. Big or small, crowds always put him on edge even though Stark wouldn't allow anyone through the door unless they had been thoroughly vetted. He had no reason to hide, she was the one actively avoiding him. She wasn't exactly hiding it either, stealth went out the window when Stark ambushed her. She wishes she weren't so proud to go looking for him, pull herself up onto the work bench beside him and talk or listen to him as he worked, just like she used to.

"You flirt to distract Nat, it's your cover. This is more than that," Steve tells her knowingly.

She bobs her head quickly hoping to stop him from probing deeper. She doesn't want to go into the details especially when she didn't have a handle on them herself. "That's why it hurt."

"I know you're angry with him," he starts but she shuts him down before he finishes.

"I'm not, not with either of them," Natasha says sharply. "I'm angry at myself for thinking I could have anything more than this." She swallows and looks down.

"You deserve more," Steve promises.

"We don't always get what we deserve," she agrees with a sigh. She lifts her head to look out the window. "We were going to leave together after Ultron," she adds it as an after-thought, for her own benefit rather than his.

If he's shocked by her admission he doesn't show it. "Why didn't you?"

"I made my decision when I pushed him into the crater," Natasha retorts bitterly. They're silent for a long time, leaning against the railing, listening to the chatter and laughter from the people below them. "I betrayed him to finish the job."

"Job comes first," Steve says thoughtfully beside her. It's not the first time the motto they live by sounds like an admonishment rather than the motivation it should be. She softens immediately, realising her mistake. He's well versed in missed opportunities.

"When did you last see Peggy?"

"Yesterday," comes the curt reply. "She, uh, didn't recognise me." A beat. "It was a bad day."

The sadness in his voice cuts through her. She knows he won't stop going, he'll take anything he can instead of losing more time. "I always thought there would be time…after. I missed our window."

Natasha casts her eyes downwards at his words. She could tell him about the intimate moment in the Barton's guest room but it doesn't feel right, she's already vulnerable and he's lost in his own thoughts.

"You have a chance to make this right, don't wait too long."

"I'm not sure he wants me to."

"He does," Steve says it with such authority that she stares at him in wonder. "He came back."

"I don't know if it was for me."

"Have you asked him?" He knows she hasn't. She steadfastly looks out of the slanted slats at the city. Besides her Steve shifts again moving into the peripheral of her vision but not invading it completely. "You were going to leave with him."

Natasha wrinkles her nose as she hears the unasked questions in his voice. "What are you trying to say?"

"You made a huge decision when you hadn't gone on one date with him," Steve replies. Natasha twists her mouth to one side in a guilty grimace. "Unless you did and none of us noticed."

"Us? You boys been gossiping?" She teases to avoid confirming his assumption. There had been no dates. They bought each other coffee and dinner and went to the movies, even took walks in the park together without the rest of their team because people rarely recognised them and they didn't want to stay in the tower twenty-four seven but they never labelled it.

"There was some speculation," Steve admits with a wry smile.

"Who 'speculated'?" Natasha allows a warning to creep into her voice when he has the good grace to look guilty.

"Myself and Tony," he presses out and she wonders if he's trying to take her focus off their former team mate by casting himself just as responsible. "But that's not the point I'm trying to make. You don't make decisions lightly and there must have been a reason why you made this one."

"So you're asking 'why him'?"

"I'm trying to remind you of his good qualities before you see him again."

' _Ever the diplomat,'_ she thinks wryly. Her lips twitch upwards in spite of herself.

"He never let me get away with anything," she says simply with an impish shoulder shrug, remembering their first meeting in that small hut in Calcutta. Other men fell for her charm yet he refused to be manipulated or persuaded, turning the tables on her when she least expected it. He was the reason she preferred face to face contact to get a proper read on a mark. He was a contradiction to the oblivious scientist she'd read about in his file; he still had his moments. "I never met anyone like him."

"He intrigued you," Steve's voice breaks into her thoughts.

"You could say that." She isn't ready to divulge the intimate connection they developed while they worked on the lullaby. Thankfully the team focused on the massive step forward in working with the Hulk and she was able to cover the impact it had on her.

"Also, I made him a promise," Natasha answers surprising herself and Steve with her honesty and he waits for her to elaborate. She doubts Bruce remembers it. If he did, he never mentioned it. Though it took a while to figure it out, the lullaby stemmed from her need to keep her word and fulfil that promise. She casts her eyes upward to find Steve looking at her expectantly. "There was this moment on the hellicarrier when he was changing. He was convulsing and I was trying to talk him through it. I didn't think he could hear me but then he looked at me," she holds her breath for a moment.

" _I swear on my life I will get you out of this. You will walk away and never ever…"_

" _You're life?!" He roars._

 _Bruce threw his head back, writhing in pain as his chest expanded, fabric stretching and tearing as the green hue creeps up his neck and down to his fingertips. He stumbled to his feet only to falter again, falling to his knees as he hunched over. He heaved, his stomach contracting against the convulsions. She could barely tear her eyes away to free herself as he groans against the agonising toll the transformation takes on his body. Her head is telling her to move, put as much distance as she can between herself and the Hulk. She tries to shift her leg beneath the pipes holding her down and they shift a fraction, it's enough to lift her knee and position her foot to push out from under the rubble. Bruce gasps in pain and her head snaps up again She meets his eyes, brown shooting through the green, panic and pain._

" _Bruce," her voice hitches with one last desperate effort to bring him back from the brink. She sees a glimmer of those soulful browns as they realise it's too late, then he's gone as his eyes shift green and the Hulk rises. She staggers to her feet and with no time to test her legs she runs._

"I've never been that scared for or of anyone in my life," Natasha says to herself in a whisper. She clears her throat and speaks louder. "Guess I kept that promise when I pushed him over the edge."

 **Author note – If you have the time let me know what you think by either leaving a review or sending me a PM, any feedback is much appreciated. Would anyone be interested in second part?**


	2. Is Paved With Good Intentions

**Thank you to those who reviewed.**

Chapter 2 …Is Paved With Good Intensions

Natasha leaves Steve moments later and makes her way up the far stairs to the former briefing room, far away from the party and prying eyes. It's the only route she can take to the other side of the building without being noticed. She needs some time and she won't get it down there. If anyone asks where she is Natasha knows Steve will cover for her. She moves silently out of habit as she rises quickly. The music drifting up from below fades with each step she takes and she's able to make out voices coming from the floor above. She pauses three steps down from the landing and peers through the glass walls to the dark briefing room.

"You said you told Natasha I was here. Why do I even listen to you?" Bruce asks Tony as they stand a couple of feet away from each other. Tony's back is to her while Bruce faces her direction but doesn't see her in the shadows. It helps that his anger is focused on their friend. In the dim light cast from below Natasha notes that he discarded the jacket and the tie he had been wearing before. He begins to pace and the furrow of his brow deepens. "I knew I should have called her," he mutters loudly to himself rubbing the back of his neck.

His nose scrunches as he squints through his glasses. Her eyes drop to his shoulders which form a stiff line and she can tell from his posture he's about to bolt. He needs to get some distance. Usually he has a tight grip on his control and doesn't allow Tony to test his limits, intentionally or not. She knows Bruce well enough to know his timings and there's about thirty seconds before he leaves the room. There are two exits, one towards the elevator or the labs, the other brings him to her. She's not ready for that and is relieved to see him rock back on his heel as his eyes dart to the door behind him, away from her. In all the time he lived with Tony she's only saw him argue once with the other man.

" _With practice we could really hone his control-."_

" _Control?! Do you know who you sound like?" Bruce's shout travels out of the room as she approaches from the hall. Natasha falters for a second at the strained tremor in his words, reminding her of when they met. She looks through the glass walls and is grateful that Tony had used clear instead of tinted. Neither men see her surreptitious observation. Bruce is deeply agitated and Tony doesn't look concerned by his outburst, almost like he expected it. "You sound like everyone who's wanted to turn him into a weapon. You can't control him."_

 _The higher octave makes her move and she's about to enter when Bruce breezes past her, bumping her in the process. She watches him go, hearing the mumbled apology he says in her direction as he races down the hallway. She fleetingly glances at Tony and he genuinely looks remorseful when he shrugs sadly. She shakes her head at him before taking off after Bruce who she finds in the communal kitchen at the end of the corridor standing by the stove heating a kettle of water. She waits in the doorway watching his shoulders move with his deep breaths. Natasha enters the kitchen and deftly nudges him out of the way._

" _I'll do this, sit down." He opens his mouth to argue but she beats him to it. "You wouldn't have come here if there was any danger of changing." She lifts her chin to indicate the table behind him. "I'll finish this."_

 _She stares at him until he does as she asks. Minutes later Natasha joins him at the table with cups of amber liquid. She places his cup in front of him and he offers he a small smile of thanks as he threads the fingers of one hand through the handle and the other starts fiddling with the string of the tea bag as he lifts it up and down in the water to speed up the steeping process. She takes the chair to his right and sips her own drink while she waits for him to talk._

" _You heard?"_

" _Just the last bit," Natasha says putting her cup on the table. She lifts her elbow to the table and drops her head to her palm as she looks at him. He stares back as something occurs to him._

" _Where would I have gone if I was changing?" Bruce asks gently with a scrutinising gaze of his own._

" _Huh?"_

 _He gestures at the stove. "You said I wouldn't come here if I was changing. Where else could I have gone?"_

 _Natasha licks her lips quickly as they form a slight smile. "Your room," she's confident in her answer and his eye flicker tell her she's right. "It's not as fragile as the kitchen and less likely for anyone to follow you."_

 _Bruce bobs his head and smothers his own smile by taking a sip. "At least someone knows my tells."_

" _I wouldn't be much of a spy if I didn't see through your little party trick. Besides, I've seen it before."_

" _Not entertaining enough?" He asks with a smirk and she shakes her head at him. "Okay, I've shown you mine, how about you show me yours?" She cocks an eyebrow accepting the challenge, amused by how confidently he issued it so soon after his exchange with Tony. She could bring it up but she doesn't want to bring the mood down yet. "What would I have done when I got to my room?"_

" _Play music," Natasha says quickly just as confident as before only for Bruce to ask her to elaborate. "You favour opera and you try to hide your penchant for classic Hollywood soundtracks."_

" _Bravo," he chuckles self-consciously and she rewards him with a triumphant smile._

 _They're quiet for a while, sipping their cooling drinks in companionable silence. Natasha watches him, waiting for the right time to talk to him. She doesn't want to take sides; she wants to dispel the conclusions Bruce jumps to when his alter ego is brought up. Eventually the moment comes as he pushes the cup to the middle of the table and clasps his hands in front of him while looking at her expectantly. Apparently he was waiting on her too. She blinks slowly and ducks her head slightly, breathing in discreetly before she utters, "He's right."_

 _Bruce lets out a sighs. "You're agreeing with Tony?"_

" _I'm not," she rolls her eyes. Bruce smirks pointedly and she wrinkles her nose. "Maybe I am. Just don't tell him, his oversized ego doesn't need any reason to get bigger." Bruce chuckles at that and he leans closer._

" _I promise," he says. "I take it you have your own reasons."_

" _I do and it's not why you think."_

 _Bruce's eyes lose any trace of humour. He doesn't answer as his lips form a thin line. She appreciates his guarded expression, at least he's giving her a chance to explain._

" _You haven't found a cure Bruce, so it's inevitable that you're going to change again. While you've got the best restraint I've seen it can slip when you're in high stress situations you can't plan for and I'm not just talking about ambush or combat situations." If he ever got caught in a car crash, it would end the same as the helicarrier._

" _Yours doesn't," Bruce comments._

" _No but I'm trained for those situations," she replies and instantly regrets highlighting their differences. "I think if you're willing to try, you could too."_

" _You don't think I've tried?" Bruce asks glaring at her._

" _I think you bail when you get close," Natasha replies undeterred. He doesn't correct her or head for the door. She quickly learnt that he appreciated honesty even if it was hard to hear or accept and it's become the foundation of their friendship after a skittish start._

 _In all fairness Bruce has dealt with this on his own since the start, forcing others away for fear of hurting them. He focused his energy on tapering his frustration when he failed over and over again to find a solution. He was too close to this, he had no choice in that but he refused to let others help him when they could offer insights he didn't have. Other than reiterating his guilt over the Hulk's actions Bruce rarely discusses it. From the little he does say, Natasha knows he does have some memories when he transforms but they're jumbled flashes which have no context and he remembers the intense rage rather than his activities. His abhorrence grows when he discovers the true magnitude of the destruction from the media after he's transformed back. On occasion Natasha has been tempted to go toe to toe with him on their kill list, but that would drag up memories and the past she's strived to put behind her. Least of all she doesn't want him to look at her differently, at least his actions weren't premeditated. If she ever works up the courage to divulge the details of her past which she made available to the entire world, which he refused to read because he said it was none of his business unless she wanted to tell him personally, maybe he'd realise he wasn't alone, that she understood the guilt and that's what pushes her to make this work. She's projecting in hopes he will be persuaded to turn his guilt into something positive by standing beside them again and allow himself some measure of redemption._

 _Some days, Natasha thinks staying here might be his redemption. Bruce has stayed in the Tower longer than anywhere since the accident. He's safe here; no one who had been after him before has attempted to breach the building or Stark Industries to get to him. He doesn't need to constantly look over his shoulder or worry about leaving at a moment's notice though she knows there's a go bag stashed somewhere in his room because those habits are hard to break. He's settled here and she knows he truly relishes the chance Tony has given him to work in a relatively safe, stress-free environment, well with the exception of daily interaction with Tony himself. He's been without incident since the battle and that in itself is no small feat. He starting to re-establish himself and she can see the affect it's having on him. Happy is a good look for him although it's fragile and can fracture in a matter of seconds. Like today._

" _Stark's a jackass and he could've phrased it better," Natasha attempts again only for Bruce to chuckle sarcastically._

" _He phrased it just fine," he says darkly out of habit. He sounds tired of saying it, weary almost._

" _I'm not going to lie to you, the Big Guy is useful out on the field but that's not what Stark's getting at." Bruce doesn't contradict her only looks at her with a knowing look of derision as if he's heard this all before. He probably has and probably assumes this another attempt to manipulate him. She isn't trying to but it will be virtually impossible to convince him of that. "Stark sees a problem and he doesn't stop till he fixes it."_

" _It's not his problem and not one that can be fixed."_

" _Maybe not, but you're his friend and he wants to help. He thinks immersing yourself in a problem is the only way to figure it out."_

" _He thinks changing frequently is going to help me figure out how to stop the Other Guy."_

" _That's not the problem he sees."_

" _He thinks I should embrace it."_

" _Or at least get more comfortable with it." Bruce snorts as he looks at his lap. Just as he's about to get up she covers his hand with hers to stop him. "He's never going to help you kill yourself, Bruce. None of us are."_

 _She looks at Bruce, noting again how he doesn't correct her. Her chest aches with the knowledge. He doesn't move his hand though as he lifts his head to meet her gaze, uncertain, cautious. He doesn't want to acknowledge the acceptance, let the fierce protectiveness in her tone. He's finally around people who can help him, people who aren't as delicate as those who have tried to help him before. That was the crux of the matter. Ideally, Bruce wants to find a way to destroy the Hulk. And there was no way Bruce would withstand something the Hulk couldn't. It wasn't something she was willing to help him with, neither would Tony. Of the group, Tony has the best shot of finding a solution, but that doesn't mean the rest of them would sit on the side lines and do nothing if Bruce was willing to let them help. Whether Bruce realises it or not, whether he likes it or not, he's part of their team. He made that choice when he came to New York; he could have kept running but he chose to stand and fight beside them, much like Tony expected him to. Their dynamic was interesting and Natasha often watched from a distance. At first it was out of practice, know the environment and all potential threats. The biggest being a possible Hulk incident, the second was Tony blowing up the lab and or the building because the man could and did set fire to most things in the simplest experiments and on more than one occasion Natasha wondered if he that was his goal. As time went on she watched because she enjoyed the camaraderie that developed between them. They were friends and neither seemed as lonely as when she first met them._

" _What about you? Why would you even want to help the Other Guy after what he did?"_

" _Well, when you drag someone into something you kind of feel responsible for them," Natasha drawls softly. She pointedly ignores the helicarrier reference, they moved past that a long time ago._

" _You don't need to feel responsible for me Natasha." His voice is heavy with emotion and she doesn't want to make him more uncomfortable._

" _Maybe, but it doesn't change the fact that I like having you around," the teasing lilt of her voice is belied by the honesty in her eyes. To her surprise he doesn't fluster or stumble, the pink hue of his skin accompanies a small smile which encourages her more than any words could as he comes to a decision._

"How much of that did you hear?" Tony's voice breaks her out of her reverie.

Natasha blinks a couple of times to focus on him. She glances sideways at the briefing room to find it empty. She swallows deeply and looks back at her former team mate. "Enough," she replies sharply as she finds her footing before walking up and past him into the room.

He turns on his heel to follow as she stops short of the window which overlooks the party. She searches the crowd for Bruce but he's gone.

"He's in the lab," Tony tells her as he stops behind her.

She meets his eyes in the window's reflection. "Why did you do all of this?"

"I was trying to recreate some of that magic from the last party we threw,"

"Before or after Ultron?" She frowns with a tilt of her head.

"The part where you were hanging on each other's every word," Tony counters smoothly. A beat passes. " _I_ wanted to be sure he wasn't making a mistake." He waits a beat and steps forward so he's in line with her. "One day you decide to runaway together then you let him go without trying to find him."

"Are you questioning my intentions or my sincerity?"

"Both," he says bluntly.

"I had my own reasons to leave but I wanted to leave with him," she replies truthfully. "Everyone had plans for when we found the sceptre. Thor was going home, Steve was looking for the Winter Soldier, you were going to focus on Pepper and Clint was going to be a dad again. If Wanda hadn't sent the Hulk on a rampage, Bruce would've stayed here. Me?" She pauses as her eyes sheen over. She blinks to clear them. "I thought I found my place in the world," she swallows to cover the crack in her voice. "Only to realise it was temporary. It was just a dream," Natasha whispers.

For once Tony seems at a loss for words. She clears her throat.

"I care about him and I was trying to tell him at the party." She pauses. The party had a sense of finality about it and she doubts she would have let herself be that vulnerable under different circumstances. To her surprise, and delight, Bruce gave her the opening she never realised she wanted and she took a chance. Neither of them had hidden their attraction. It had been fun and easy to talk to him. The evening could have ended differently if Ultron hadn't crashed it. "If Ultron hadn't been an issue, neither one of us would've wanted to leave. He couldn't do this anymore after Johannesburg. It was rash and, honestly, I didn't think it through. I didn't want to be alone; I didn't want him to be either." She sucks in a shaky breath.

"Would you have stayed with him?"

"I don't know, I wanted to," comes her earnest reply.

"Did this have anything to do with the lullaby?"

"Yes and no," Natasha hesitates. "I wanted to be his friend and help him. I'm not sure how to describe it, I was always more aware of him. The lullaby wasn't just for him. It gave me a purpose, something only I could do. Even without the lullaby, I never felt this way about anyone. I didn't know what to do or if I should do anything but I took a chance."

The act itself left her feeling heady and powerful, the feel of his tentative, surprisingly gentle touch lingered on her skin hours after. It tied them to each other and they naturally gravitated towards one another after they started working on it, spending time alone. It intensified the growing affection neither of them acknowledged, their friendship taking on a playfulness which had been absent before. She ignored the excitement in the pit of her stomach when they were together.

"You went back to work without batting an eye," he reminds her quietly.

"It's what I know best. I needed to focus on something _else_. I needed to distract myself, like you do with your suits." she seethes. Tony opens his mouth to argue with her but he shuts it when she pins him with a glare. "Bruce left because he needed to, he knew how to contact me if needed." Natasha wanted him to want to contact her but she wasn't going to force him before he was ready.

"What about now? If he leaves tomorrow and asks you to go with him?"

 **Any thoughts? More? Let me know.**


	3. Lies and Broken Promises

**Sorry for the delay, real life intervened. Thanks for the reviews and follows.**

Chapter Three – Lies and Broken Promises

"Probably not," Natasha admits with a sideways glance at Tony. He accepts it with uncharacteristic silence, there's no defensive barbs or deflections, not even a physical reaction. He was hoping for a lie. She was, too. None of them are naïve enough to think there will be a happy ending here, there's no way to tell if or how Bruce will be affected over time and it's an understatement to say she has a lot of enemies, but there's a chance they can be happy for a short while and it's more than they ever thought they could have before they joined the Avengers. She wants to give Tony a different answer and it might be if Bruce were the one asking her, but he's not and she doubts he will. And she's not going to discuss this with Tony before she talks to Bruce.

"My feelings haven't changed, just the circumstances," Natasha confesses. She doesn't know why she feels obligated to share this information with Tony of all people. They've come a long way since they first met but he still doesn't completely trust her and she can't blame him for thinking she may have an agenda when it comes to her friendship with Bruce. With how paranoid he can be, Natasha's surprised he's left it this long to say anything. Then again maybe he feels compelled to now that Bruce has returned. She hopes her honesty will alleviate most, if not all, doubts he has over her feelings for Bruce. "And he deserves to hear that from me, not you," she insists gently. Tony bobs his head wearily in agreement.

It used to be simpler. No one else factored into her decisions, no one else mattered and she never cared whether they did or not. She misses that time. Not because of the constant ache she feels since everyone went their separate ways, but because she doesn't want to get her hopes up again only to crash like last time.

"I'm not going to apologise for looking out for him," Tony quietly utters.

"You could've done that without doing this."

"Less chance of you coming after me in a crowd," he defends with a nod at the room below them. "You're not one for collateral damage."

"I was tempted," she's only half serious. He snickers under his breath. "Had a clear shot from the balcony." His snicker evolves to a full laugh.

"Distance is more Barton's thing," Tony dismisses and Natasha smothers her laugh by pursing her lips. "You're more 'up close and personal' and this is definitely personal to you."

"Personal," Natasha repeats quietly.

Her vision shifts as she searches the crowd again. The new Avengers huddle together around the pool table; Sam and Rhodey each hold cues as the contemplate Sam's tight shot, one with concentration, the other with amusement. Wanda and Vision watch their friends' rivalry and Natasha notes how close Vision is to the troubled young woman. While Wanda welcomes his friendship, Natasha knows his lack of boundaries can wear on her nerves. Natasha thinks it might be an overlap from Jarvis's programming; unable to adjust from being omnipresent to just present. A few guests watch the four closely from the side lines. Not too eager to cause much concern, just trying to get a glimpse of the new team, no doubt drawing a comparison to their predecessors. Everyone seems to be entertaining themselves, their absence has gone unnoticed so far.

Tony sighs and steps out of her eye line only to return seconds later holding Bruce's jacket and tie out to her. "Like I said, he's in the lab."

Natasha eyes the garments for a long moment before reaching out to take them. Her fingers brush hesitantly along the fabric then she folds it over her arms and tucks it into her body, hugging it protectively. Aware of Tony's scrutiny she lifts her head, not bothering to feign any kind of detachment. There's no point, given their conversation and marginal, and still fragile progress, she doesn't want Tony to misconstrue any attempt to mask her reaction. She's more worried about the conversations she's heading into. She holds Tony's gaze for a beat longer than she needs to, waiting for him to retract the tentative approval, not that she needs it. He doesn't and she slips through the exit Bruce had taken.

Her walk to the elevator is a blur. She presses the call button then boards when the doors ping open. Tony's question about leaving echoes in her mind. She wants Bruce to ask, she really does, if only to give her some clarity over where they stand with each other. She knows it's unlikely. If by some chance he does ask, it doesn't change the fact that she's not ready to leave and she doesn't want him to misinterpret her answer as a rejection. If she were braver, she would ask Bruce to stay and they're not ready for that. If he stays now, she can't be his only reason. Bruce didn't join the Avengers because she batted her eye lashes at him, he wouldn't stay because of it either. Of course she'd welcome him; she's missed him more than she will be able to express. Just being in the same building as him has lightened her heart despite the uncertainty. This wasn't about her though.

It makes sense for him to stay at the Tower. It offered Bruce a stability that had been absent from his life since he was forced to run after the accident. After years of isolation, he never took it for granted. He moved soon after the battle with the Chitauri and aside from the lab Bruce never acclimated to the lavish accommodation. His lab was lived in, homely for a scientist. He wasn't messy but there was clutter she never saw in his bedroom, which was sparse and neat in comparison.

 _Natasha follows the sound of his footsteps as he stumbles down the hall in haste. She picks up her pace when he crashes through his bedroom door and it bangs closed behind him. She knows he'll be annoyed with her for following him now, especially if she ends up with any kind of injury, no matter how superficial – then he'll be angrier at himself than her. He's not a threat to her. She can't explain her reasoning or convince him of it, she just_ knows _. She reaches his door and puts her ear to the wood. His feet pace the floor in an unsteady rhythm. One, two, turn. One and turn again. He turns twice more and then stops as she hears the springs of his mattress squeak quietly as he sits. She composes herself and pushes the door open gently without knocking. She sneaks inside trying not to startle him. She flattens against the wall and the small lift of his shoulders tell her he's aware of her presence. He doesn't turn to face her, doesn't tell her to leave, just continues to regain control. Her eyes trace the slope of his shoulders, notes the tremor of his body. It's not like the carrier, nor faked like she's seen him use in the past. He is genuinely fighting a potential transformation. Her own heart beat elevates slightly in anticipation._

 _Without giving him a chance to stop her she pushes from the wall to sit beside him. He half turns towards her, his mouth opens to tell her to leave but the words don't come as she shushes him and presses a hand to his chest above his heart. It beats rapidly beneath her palm as their eyes connect. She can't distinguish who gasps first but she recovers before he does. "Focus on me," she rasps softly._

 _If it were possible his heart speeds up as his eyes widen in surprise. Then they flicker self-consciously and pink instead of green creeps above the collar of his shirt. A moment later his hand curls around hers as he recoils under her touch. "That's not helping," Bruce tells her gently, removing her hand from his chest._

 _It takes Natasha a second to understand and she ducks her head. The thought never occurred to her, she acted on instinct when she sat down and it was the quickest and most reliable way to measure his heart beat. She's used the move before in different circumstances, usually accompanied by a come hither look as she draws a target in. She's never done it to comfort and never with a friend. Definitely not what she intended, yet the feel of his warm muscular chest under her hand wasn't unpleasant. She's not sure if it's unwelcome and she's not ready to question her motives._

" _Sorry," she mumbles with a smirk to try to play off her actions while assessing his. Her smirk becomes a gentle smile when he goes for bashful but it comes off as a grimace. She can't supress the warmth in her chest but Bruce is too wrapped up in his embarrassment to notice._

 _Bruce surprises her again when she tries to slip her hand from his. He doesn't let her. Instead of answering her questioning glance he laces their fingers, their palms meet. She can feel the slowing heartbeat through the pulse point in his wrist as they fall silent. The dusky orange hue of the setting sun pours in through the full length windows. She surprised he never shut the blinds when he came through the door, then again he had more pressing matters. Natasha glances around the room. She's never been in here before, only seen it through the door if it was open when passing. The bed was made and the main focal point of the room. There was a small night stand with an alarm clock which doubled as a docking station for his phone on top. A half-drunk glass of water and a spare glasses case rested next to it. There were no pictures on the wall, no books on shelves either. Aside from the bed there was a reading chair and a floor lamp beside the window and chest of draws and built in wardrobe on the wall opposite the bed. Beyond that was a door which led to the bathroom. If Natasha didn't know any better, she would think this was a hotel room and he was just visiting._

 _It takes several minutes but eventually Bruce stops trembling. He breathing and heart rate calm as they wait it out. He doesn't avoid her gaze like she expects him to, lifting his head with a shaky breath which sounds defeated. There's no trace of green in his eyes or his skin. She sees through his carefully schooled expression. Still he doesn't tell her to leave. The danger has passed, if it hadn't he would have pushed her away when she sat on the bed. Even then that wouldn't stop her, her aim had been to keep an eye on the Hulk if there were an incident. She's read about the incidents with Betty Ross in his file, watched footage from Harlem. Bruce doesn't give the Hulk or himself enough credit, they have more control than he realises. She hopes he would be able to recognise her as an ally after fighting together._

" _Sun's getting low," he murmurs breaking through her thoughts._

" _Yeah," Natasha breathes out._

 _She blinks a couple of times and looks up to find his eyes searching her face. He always does that. He always sees beyond her mask. She doesn't know why she lets it slip around him, maybe because he made her slip. For someone so jumpy, he improvises well. He couldn't plan his response to her ambush in advance which meant he had a good read on her the second she revealed herself. He wasn't the average civilian or mark but he still shouldn't have been able to get the drop on her like that. He never boasted about it, actually he seemed ashamed of using the Other Guy to scare her. After that she was hyper aware of his presence. She wasn't cold, just detached enough to keep her guard up and stay professional. It didn't help when she developed a morbid fascination with his transformation after the explosion on the helicarrier. Dazed and confused from the explosion, she never felt so powerless in combat and she coped the only way she knew how – by studying her opponent, find weaknesses. Hours of scouring through footage and reading eye witness accounts was for naught. It only served to tell her what she already knew. Strategic thinking wasn't an option; she was no match for the Hulk. Her only option had been to evade. The knowledge didn't make her feel better. Not that she'd ever tell Bruce, she doesn't want to give him an excuse to close off from her. She hadn't been able to reconcile the panic she felt, not even after they became friends. She wasn't afraid of him. Facing the Hulk forced her to question her own mortality, comparing her abilities to the rest of the team. Fear of being inadequate figured heavily into it and with Loki defeated there wasn't another chance to test her nerve in that kind of situation. So when she saw him stumbling away from the smoke filled lab minutes ago she was faced with an opportunity she couldn't pass up. Others were already on their way to help Tony._

" _What happened?" She asks thickly to distract herself from the look Bruce is giving her._

" _Tony and I were testing a part for a new suit and we gave it too much 'oomph'," he releases her hand to do air quotes with his fingers as his face wrinkles in disgust. Sounds like something Tony would say. His hand finds hers again. "It shot off his hand and flew around the room, locked onto to me while it sparked. I moved and it crashed into a computer behind me." Bruce stops suddenly, stricken at the thought of his friend. "Is Tony alright? Jarvis?" He questions._

" _Mister Stark's vitals are within normal parameters. He is currently enquiring if this is a 'Code Green' situation."_

" _Tell him I'm fine Jarvis," Bruce says aiming an eye roll at Natasha who quirks her lips in return. Her thumb strokes his knuckles when she sees the genuine relief and he finally relaxes._

" _Of course," comes the clipped computerised British response._

 _Silence reigns once again and they watch the sun dip lower on the horizon. The air grows thicker around them._

" _You shouldn't have followed me," Bruce tells her. He's not challenging or recriminating, his concern for her safety oozes through his warm tone._

" _Enquiring minds," she replies with an apologetic shrug._

" _Natasha," he warns seriously._

 _He allowed her to see something he's never willingly let anyone see, he doesn't deserve her to be flippant with him even if he expects it from her. "You let me stay," she reminds him softly. He acknowledges it with a nod. Then it hits her. He let her stay. For her._

 _She feels exposed as their eyes lock but doesn't shy away from his gaze. She doesn't have the energy to pretend with him. Somehow Bruce snuck through her defences and it wasn't intentional. She's been compromised and for once she doesn't think it's a bad thing as he stares back at her in understanding._

Natasha felt closer to Bruce after that. He continued to let her sit with him. He wasn't always as lucky with curbing his transformations and eventually she came face to face with the Hulk. At first he was confused by her presence but he got used to her. She tried to be as non-threatening as possible and once the initial rage wore off, he calmed enough for her to interact with him. When it was clear Bruce was needed in the field to help search for Loki's sceptre, Natasha volunteered to keep track of the Hulk after each fight. Bruce met her eyes across the conference table and she saw his tentative appreciation of the offer; he didn't want to share the experience with someone else. She managed to build a rapport with the Hulk as they fought against HYDRA. She would follow him after each fight, hanging back so not to startle him and wait for him to transform before helping Bruce back to the jet. Sometimes his change was fast and smooth, other times she had to be patient. Those were the harder transformations, the ones which took the biggest toll on Bruce and left him writhing on the floor in a feverish like pain. Those ones prompted her to suggest developing the lullaby.

It took practice. A lot of practice. Most of the time the Hulk was strangely accepting of her and she put it down to the growing bond she felt with Bruce. There were times when he looked reluctant to stop smashing but he never failed to react to her voice. He barely needed any prompting when she introduced her hand into the scenario. He reminded her of Bruce the first time she did it she almost laughed, curiously squinting at her hand like Bruce does a set of results. He lifted one giant finger and poked the centre of her palm gently. She flinched and sat a fraction back in her crouch. She never moved her hand when he stepped back in panic with a low growl. He took a moment to collect himself then showed more patience than she thought he was capable of when he mirrored her stance. He held still for a moment before inching closer to her and she realised he was taking his time for her, waiting for her to adjust to him. He let her stay. A now familiar warmth spread through her chest and her lips twitched into half a smile. Her fingers looked small and delicate against his huge ones. She wanted to measure his heart beat, like she had with Bruce that time in his bedroom. Though she was tempted, she didn't want to risk what he would do if she put her hand to his chest. She kept eye contact as she stroked his hand and showed him what to do next. He presented his forearm to her. She laid her hand on him, recognised the rhythm as Bruce, then lightly stroked a path from there to his fingertips. His eyes widened in surprise at the sensation and he stumbled back. She couldn't take her eyes off him that first time, the change back was as fascinating as the other. Soon Bruce was sitting on the floor, clutching his stretched trousers.

"At least I'm not buck ass nude," he'd muttered.

"I don't know, your ass isn't that bad," she'd retorted with a flirtatious quirk of her lips and a shrug, eliciting a blush from him as she'd risen to stand, grateful he broke the tension.

She gained confidence with each success, the warmth in her chest intensifying as time went on. She managed to hide it from everyone, even Bruce. But he didn't escape the experience unaffected and he started to open up about other, more guarded parts, of his life; Betty, his parents, time on the run. She was compelled to reciprocate, she told him about her training, her ledger and her reasons for leaking her files onto the net. He accepted it all without batting an eye, understanding her need for self-preservation and the need to atone. He wasn't sympathetic, she would never accept any pity or platitudes. Instead he told her about the people he helped on his travels and shared knowledge of blood, destruction and self-loathing strengthened the strange pull developing between them. She surrendered to it willingly, welcoming the connection.

The elevator doors open, snapping her out of her musing. She steps off, her unsteady legs righting themselves as she stops in front of the see through door, soft strains of opera filter through the seal. She pauses to watch Bruce, his dejected posture as he looks at something on his computer. She made him a promise on the helicarrier, one she could never keep. There was no way he could walk away when he carried the Hulk with him. Bruce understood that and never held the naivety of her suggestion against her. It's why he let her lie to herself about running away from her nightmares. At the time, she needed hope and after her confession, divulging a secret she never told anyone, he wasn't going to take it from her. She swallows as her eyes water. She blinks to clear them and they shift to her reflection in the glass and look past it to find Bruce standing in front of her. They raise their hands to the scanner at the same time. The door slides open and she steps inside.

 **Any thoughts? More? Let me know. If you're shy and don't want to leave a public comment send me a PM.**


	4. Keeping Your Word

**Author Note – This chapter should've been finished weeks ago, most of it was done but real life kept rearing its ugly head, so I apologise for the delay.**

Chapter Four – Keeping Your Word

Natasha steps into the lab, letting her heels click loudly on the polished floor as she walks past Bruce to the centre of the room. She looks at his illuminated computer screen, his inbox on display. She keeps going, feeling out of place in the room where he feels most at ease. It's far from neutral ground and evokes memories of getting to know him, happy ones which are now bittersweet. She turns on her heel to find him staring at her. His gentle, kind brown eyes unnerve her more than she already is. She turns her head towards the computer. "Were you busy?"

"No, I was just looking through the messages I missed when I was…" Bruce gestures instead of finishing his sentence, stilling when he notices his jacket folded over her arm. When he trails off Natasha turns back to see him slowly drags his eyes up to her face, searching, longing. She sees the questions in his eyes only he doesn't voice them as he self-consciously scratches the back of his neck as he realises she's seen Tony.

Hastily, Natasha walks forward to meet him halfway, handing him his jacket and tie. Their fingers brush and she looks away before side stepping him to move around the room trying to find something beside him to focus on. She finally settles on his desk at the side of the room. She feels his eyes on her as she strokes her fingers across the corner of his desk, remembering a time when she would perch on it to distract him while he was working. He was always pleasantly surprised at her quirky sense of entitlement, even after they became friends. She never pointed out that she usually only took those liberties with Clint, and if Bruce realised she was as comfortable with him as she was with her best friend, he never mentioned it.

' _Best friend,'_ she inwardly sighs. She never felt the need to make the distinction before she grew close to Bruce, one she made quite often after she realised she wanted to be more than Bruce's friend. She would never betray Clint by revealing his family without his permission, that was his story to tell, but she wanted Bruce to understand their friendship was just that. She's half tempted to slide on the desk to remind him of the easier, less emotionally trying times. She takes half a step to pivot but her eyes catch sight of the open, half empty duffle on floor tucked behind the desk leg. She pauses for a fraction of a second, frowning down at the offending bag as her heart clenches. While she knew he might leave again, the reality hurts. For a split second she feels like she's back on the Helicarrier and the Hulk just cut the connection to the Quinjet. Sucking in a breath Natasha looks over her shoulder to meet his eyes again, inclining her head toward the duffle.

"Packing?" He never unpacks, not completely. There's always a go-bag stashed somewhere.

"Would you like me to leave?" Bruce counters with a small edge to his voice.

She had almost forgotten how blunt he could be when he was feeling defensive. Natasha feels out of sync with him and everything else. And she doesn't have the energy to pretend to be as guarded as she used to be. She didn't come here to argue but couldn't blame him for thinking otherwise. She had been blunt with him when he approached her earlier. Facing him, Natasha softens her expression and drags her hand over the desk again as she steps closer to him.

"I want to ask if you're staying, but I don't know if that's a question I get to ask."

"Natasha," he draws out her name apologetically. He doesn't attempt to breach the space between them, just shakes his head. "Why are we doing this? Maybe we should just forget-."

"Is that what you want?" Natasha cuts in.

He looks as if he's about to agree but he seems more lost than ever when he shakes his head. "No," Bruce reiterates when she lifts an eyebrow at him. "No, I…" The rest of his explanation dies on his lips. "I'm sorry, Natasha."

"For leaving? Or for not telling me you were back?"

"Both," he tells her without missing a beat. "I never meant to ambush you."

"I know," Natasha says gently. She did _know_ Bruce meant to ambush her. Even if she hadn't heard as much from Tony, she would know. Still, he'd been naïve to assume Tony wouldn't. "A head's up would've been nice."

He offers her a contrite look although he still seems confused at seemingly being let off the hook so easily. She puts it down to being out of sorts but doesn't dwell on it. She didn't come here to play the blame game. She came because she missed him and the way she felt when he was near her. She turns fully toward him and sees a tiny flicker over his shoulder through the glass wall which looks out toward the large living room.

"This isn't how I thought this would go," Natasha says, without letting her gaze linger on the spot.

"You thought about this?" She supresses her smile at the genuine surprise she hears in his voice.

"Yeah," she shrugs as if it were obvious. "But I thought it would be just you and me."

"It is _just_ you and me," Bruce tells her with a frown.

"You think we're alone?" Natasha questions and Bruce's brow knits together in confusion. "Your lab kind of has a gold fish bowl quality to it," she explains with a small smile. Bruce turns when she points beyond him through the glass wall to Steve on the balcony where Tony has joined him. Her predatory smile has always been her most disarming silent threat, and she uses it now for their benefit rather than Bruce's. They baulk at being caught mid-gawk and spin to face the city skyline as Stark starts gesturing at the view and Steve stands beside him, nodding awkwardly. Seconds later Steve starts to turn his head to either see if they're still being watched or throw them an apologetic look but Tony's hand clamps down on his shoulder to keep him where he is. Bruce huffs out a chuckle which borders on fond amusement. She presses her lips together to smother her smile as she drops her hand. "Just you and me huh?" She asks rhetorically, teasing him with his words from years ago when they first met.

"Point taken," Bruce deadpans as he faces her again, his eyes alight with humour. A moment passes as he considers their quandary. "Tony has cameras everywhere; it'll be hard to find the privacy we want."

Natasha answers him with a lopsided smile and steps close enough to wind her hand loosely around his wrist, quickly sliding her fingers down across his palm to interlock with his. "Follow me," she says into his ear and tugs him out of the lab.

They make their way along the corridor without another word. She doesn't relinquish her hold on his hand nor does he try to wriggle from her grasp. She spares him a furtive glance; he's keeping up with her stride and focusing on their path. Her relationship with him works differently, she doesn't plan ahead or calculate every move or word because it's hard to predict his reaction. She works on instinct. And it's one of the scariest, exhilarating things she's ever done. Continuously opening up to Bruce and knowing he is a flight risk is daunting. Years ago, she wouldn't have cared; now, after so many drastic changes to her life in a relatively short period of time, she wants some stability. After nearly six months apart, he is hard to read but something in him has shifted, that much she can tell. Without letting go of his hand, Natasha takes the lead as they approach the personal quarters. Tony hasn't changed them in the months since they moved out, nor demanded they remove the last of their belongings, his subtle way of telling them that they'll always be welcome at the tower without actually saying it. He matches her pace as she quickens, so close behind her that she can feel him.

Moments later her free hand encircles his door handle and turns it. The bolt gives way easily and they slip inside. The moonlight pours in through the half-slanted blinds, casting parallel lines of shadow across them. Neither say a word to FRIDAY to turn the light on. Both stop in front of his bed and Bruce's fingers fall from hers. Her fingers feel the loss and her thumb rubs the pads of her fingers, taking in the residual warmth. He surprises her by stepping into her back, his confidence belied by the slight shake of his hands when they come to rest lightly on her shoulders. She's killed for less but she doesn't shake him off as the usual shot of adrenaline shoots through her at his touch. For people who fiercely guard their personal space, contact had become an integral part of her relationship with Bruce and the Hulk. She encourages him by sinking back into his hands when his thumbs lightly work the knots she had been ignoring at the base of her neck. She releases a quiet sigh and looks out over the city, the one they saved together with their team, the one they lived in together, where they let go of their monsters for a little bit, where they were able to feel at home, albeit a skewed version of what many would consider home.

"Just you and me," she sighs softly.

"Could be worse," Bruce murmurs. A smile cracks her face. His thumbs rub her skin to soothe it as he feels the knots give way. "Tony could suit up and fly by the window."

That makes her snicker as she shrugs him off and faces him with a smile. "He won't if he knows what's best for him." She tempers her expression as he looks indecisive as his hands twitch and inch toward her waist only to change his mind and stuff them in his pockets at the last second. "You could've called, I would've met you wherever you wanted to," she tells him. There's no point putting this off any longer.

"I know," he huffs out and shakes his head. "But I didn't even want to be there Natasha; I wasn't going to drag you there too."

"You're not the only one who wants to escape who they are," she reminds him.

"Isn't that what we do here?" Her head tilts slightly, waiting for him to elaborate. It's Bruce's turn to sigh, only it's not content like hers were. "I got caught up in this romantic idea that I was doing something good."

"Like I said, you're not the only one," Natasha says thickly, blinking quickly as her eyes water. Bruce regards her with compassion, realising his mistake. "You spent so much time worrying that _he_ would hurt me and you hurt me more than he could because I can deal with physical pain Bruce."

"I was trying to protect you," he defends weakly.

"It didn't work and you both hurt me," her voice cracks.

"We finally found something we agree on," he says darkly with a sad laugh.

"You're a package deal," Natasha quips sarcastically.

"And you deserve more than that."

"At least I accept it." The words fall from her mouth before she can stop them, "So did you, for a while."

"I became complacent," he corrects, his eyes flashing meaningfully.

She has to step back to get some space. Being so close to him, listening to his dismissal of the progress, is difficult for her to accept. She spins on her heel and stops in front of the window. She's looks through the slanted blinds at the sea of lights coming up from the streets below. "Why did you come back?"

"I missed you," he says it so easily, so simply, another shot of adrenaline pulses through her. "I know you're angry with me and I understand you don't want-."

"I'm not angry with you, I understand why you stayed away," Natasha interjects. "You're not the only one who should apologise for what happened, I shouldn't have forced you to change."

He inhales sharply behind her and his feet shuffle on the floor as he approaches. "You thought that's why I left?" She answers him with a barely discernible bob of her head. "It wasn't, Natasha."

"Maybe not the main reason, but it was part of it."

Bruce sighs. "No, it wasn't. Natasha, I knew you were going to push me and I let you. I made that decision when we first talked about the lullaby. I let him be used as a weapon and I had to make my peace with that."

"Have you?"

"I don't think I ever will even though it was for the right reasons. The fallout from the Other Guy is too much for my conscience."

"What about the people you saved? That he saved? Don't they count for anything?"

That makes him pause. She refocuses on the window, tries to find him in the reflection. She catches sight of the glint of his glasses as he looks to the floor. She raises her chin. "What about me? I wouldn't be alive if he never took me to the carrier."

Still he says nothing, and she isn't sure if it's because he has nothing to say or if he doesn't trust himself to say it. She can sense him behind her, he doesn't fidget, doesn't shuffle, just stands steadfast to his spot.

"You would've been on a boat if you didn't need to get me," he says after a moment.

"Do you think the lullaby was just for you?" Bruce lifts his head and she meets his eyes in the window. "I don't have powers, Bruce, just a skillset. You gave me something to do besides point a gun or be a glorified handler. You made me feel like I was helping without creating more damage. You made me feel like I had a place in the world."

After the fall of SHIELD and in light of Fury's lack of trust she felt more exposed than when Clint recruited her years earlier. Covers blown and contacts burned, at first it felt like she was back at square one. All the good she thought she was doing for SHIELD turned out to be, for the most part, continuing HYDRA's agenda. She ended up adding to her ledger than crossing out. It took a while to pick herself up after the revelations but she eventually felt like she belonged in the Tower. Working with the Avengers on a regular basis to fight HYDRA felt like she was making some headway with her ledger again. While she thrived under the circumstances, it was different from SHIELD. When the team were all together the differences in their skills and abilities became apparent. Maybe she was still vulnerable but she was hyper aware of her mortality compared to that of Thor, Bruce, even Steve. There were times when she wanted to be able to do more than hand-to-hand. Sure, she was skilled at interrogation and understood more than most when it came to technology, her knowledge paled in comparison to Bruce and Tony but was better than Steve, Clint or Thor. It had never been an issue before and it was barely one then because she was still able to stand beside them and fight, but the underlying frustration lingered.

"You do Nat, more than you know." Bruce's voice brings her back to the present as his hands rest on her waist with a slow confidence so not to spook her.

"Were you ever going to let me leave with you?"

Natasha never considered walking away from the job until the opportunity presented itself. It was probably the wrong time to make the decision, both of them reeling from Wanda's influence and torture but Natasha readily jumped at the chance to get far away as possible. In hindsight, she had been too eager, and if she had been thinking clearly she would have given his concerns more consideration rather than talk herself around them. But in the many times she's gone over that conversation in her head, she's never been able to imagine an outcome where she didn't run with him. It may have been a spur of the moment decision mostly based on her nightmare but once she voiced it she realised how much she wanted it, wanted him. A little forward, definitely spontaneous. Their connection was honest and innocent and something she hadn't encountered with anyone else. She felt like the most important decision she ever made, one she never thought she would, was a mistake.

"I wanted to," he admits. "We deal with things differently Natasha. I needed to be alone, you were needed here."

She had felt like she was freefalling, her head and her heart going a mile a minute and she just had stop, shut it down and pretend nothing happened. Training became an outlet for emotions she never felt before, all under a carefully schooled mask. She felt drained physically and emotionally trying to keep up that façade, resulting in the uncontrolled outburst earlier.

"But you came back."

He responds with a short, sad laugh, the one he uses in his own self-depreciating humour. "From the moment I got here, I thought it would be better if I left, safer."

" _I swear on my life I will get you out of this. You will walk away and never ever…"_

"Tony made sure the world knew you weren't responsible for Johannesburg and Wanda admitted it."

"I saw the press conferences but people tend to believe what they see and they saw the Hulk." He waits for that to sink in. "It was worse when I left, we were both restless and jumpy. I tried to isolate myself but it was a matter of time. It took me a while to figure out the safest place I can be is right here. I trust myself when I'm with you. My place in the world is right beside you."

"Bruce," she whispers. Her hands cover his and draw them around her body, pulling him closer so his chest meets her back, seeking a comfort she usually rejects because he's unaware of the significance of his wording.

His breath grazes her neck, lips whisper against her skin as he inhales. "Yeah?"

"I want you to stay."

The future will always be uncertain and she knows there's a tentative time is a head of them as they find a balance with their new circumstances. In the months after he left, she envisioned their reunion somewhere exotic, and they would disappear. When she first made that promise she assumed Bruce would return to his old life, disappear like he did after Harlem, because that's what he wanted. She never expected to want to go with him or the heart ache that took his place in her life when he did. She respected his choice, stayed put and, most of all, hoped he would find peace one day. She never thought he would find it with her.

THE END


End file.
